I don't know why, but White Flag is one of my least favorite worship songs. I really don't know why. I like other tracks from the Passion album (namely One Thing Remains and You Revive Me) but just not that one. I don't have anything against surrender--though I'm admittedly not good at it--I just....blech.
And then one week, I got that lovely, highly-anticipated Planning Center invite and saw it on the schedule for the upcoming Sunday. Ehhh. I've helped lead songs I wasn't terribly fond of before. I knew I could make it through.
Then a week or two later, same situation.
Then a few weeks after that.
Then yesterday. I got a text message at 6:15am asking if I could fill in for a vocalist who had a last minute situation. So I got out of bed, got ready, and listened to the worship songs for the day. Yep. You guessed it.
In fact, if I'm not mistaken, every time this song has been on the set list at our church, I've been up on that platform helping lead. (You'd think I'd have caught on by now...)
On my way to church yesterday morning, as the sun was rising (and as I was still waking up, honestly), I asked God to use me how he saw fit. I mean, I hadn't had more than 30 minutes to prepare for the 7:30am rehearsal, so I really needed His help.
And as I rolled into the parking lot, it dawned on me that I *always* need His help. I should *always* be asking Him to use me as He sees fit. I should never be relying on myself alone, no matter how much time I have to prepare. I took my small step towards surrendering, and managed to not stress out about the songs (well, except for this one :-P).
I'm not always the best at surrendering. The past year has forced me to at least get better at it. But I definitely still have plenty to learn. Especially this next week or so, as we approach what would have been Nathan's due date on Saturday. And last week, as we mourned the first anniversary of losing Jordan. And as I continue to struggle with stress and anxiety. I need so so many reminders. Being there on that platform yesterday was so much more for my benefit than it was for anyone else's.
But I still don't like the song. ;-)
You're funny amanda :-) I don't think I've ever hear the song but I've heard a story very similar. Some guy asked God what song to sing that sunday and I think it was in the garden and Jesus loves me? Anyway he kept putting it off and finally he relented the third week. An agoraphobe came to church for the first time for years with his therapist and those were the only two christian songs he knew. So make a long story short maybe that song is for someone :-) :-*
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